post

The Edge as Both Opportunity and Danger

Some people think it is shameful to try and kill yourself or actually kill yourself.  They call us bad people, weak, cruel, pathetic.  But we are people who have been pushed beyond our edge and cannot at that moment find our way back to solid ground. Edges are like knives, slicing into you, opening something up.  If you survive them the edges can be conduits speeding you to your true path, true self, to something akin to freedom. In high school I shared a room on the St. John’s Hospital’s … [Read more...]

post

What You Remember Versus What Was

 This past November I traveled to Springfield Illinois where I went to high school.  It was my first time back in nearly 30 years. I remember myself as a sad sad girl, a limp rag doll of a girl who feels trapped and victimized by her circumstances. But instead I found that memory is a tricky player, keeping some bits, discarding others. What I do remember is sitting under a big Oak tree in Washington Park with over-the-counter sleeping pills in hand. I am 17 years old and afraid. Afraid … [Read more...]

post

Sometimes You Gotta Move, Sometimes You Gotta Stay Where You Are

Welcome to my very first blog post! In September I moved to Charleston, South Carolina after 25 years in Boston.  Moving can be a form of running away and years ago I would dream of picking up and going across country, California or anywhere else; or day dream about backpacking through Europe or South American.  But for good or bad it was not possible – I was too crippled emotionally and living in poverty to boot.  So I had to settle for dragging my bed and books and music equipment to … [Read more...]

post

Until I Rise Again: A Memior In Progress

I am lying unconscious in the emergency room at Massachusetts General Hospital in downtown Boston. I want to die but instead I am about to wake up. Life has left me heaped like a bag of stones, yet something akin to grace awaits me. This is my story; the end is really the beginning. Once I was a crab, crabbing along…. once I was a bird and I flew free. In time I learn of grander things than my small bird dreams, things that lift me higher than even my healthy wings could go. May we all shirk … [Read more...]