A Girl into a Thing into a Girl

She was always just a thing
to him
not a living breathing loving dreaming
beautiful being
just a shape
in the shape of a girl
that made noises
and demands

Is it any surprise
that the girl with the sparkling brown eyes
who saw so much and understood so little
grew up
and empty
feeling like a thing in an alive world

She tried to feel alive like everyone else

she took drugs to quell the wounds
and join in the joy of others
she used razor blades too
to cut out all the wrong
and watch it dribble away

But eventually she found
that beauty can only begot
with beauty
a tear is a sweet washing
the more there are the greater the

So she went down into it
holding hands with herself and God and her helpers

She found that
A girl into a thing into a girl
is no simple alchemy
it calls for angels to gather round
spinning rainbows of light and beauty
right into her thing soul

As she began to breath
the pains were sharp and she cried
harsh tears
of the girl denied her
and the years of fruitless searching

So she mourned
she spent months on her bed
mourning and crying and seeking inside
for something truer than all that
and though she wasn’t with all the others
she was closer to them
and that gave her solace

And so went her transformation
from girl to thing to girl
it was a hard hard road
directions weren’t always clear
blind to the ways of the living she groped
only to find out
that the others groped too

She found out
that we are all moving forward
to an unknown future on faith
that when we get there
|we will be somewhere
that is worth going
and that is different from now

So she began to live.


By Nicki Glasser

Copyright@ 2010 Nicki Glasser